


Take Me to Church

by TheNovelust



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: 1940s, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-06-05
Packaged: 2018-04-03 01:35:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4081480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNovelust/pseuds/TheNovelust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A songfic inspired by the song "Take Me to Church" by Hozier. 40's Stucky. Steve makes a mistake and his mother realizes he has homosexual thoughts, taking him to church to attempt to clear him of his "sins". Steve has other plans and an unfaltering resolution. Very short, meant as a casual read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take Me to Church

Bucky had this special kind of humor; a brash, inappropriate nature seemed to hang over everything he did, but Steve enjoyed it. Bucky was a giggle at a funeral, and he knew everyone's disapproval of his actions, but he had never let that stop him from being Bucky. Steve had been working up the courage to ask him for a kiss for a long time, but when he saw Bucky on the playground, crouched down and kissing a girl behind the water fountain, he knew he had missed his chance. He should have told Bucky a lot sooner. He mulled over the incident for months before finally deciding to take action.

It all started with a letter.

His simple, innocent scribble to Bucky that he would enjoy kissing the other boy. No more than a few words, really.

"ᴵ'ᴰ ᴿᴱᴬᴸᴸᵞ ᴸᴵᴷᴱ ᵀᴼ ᴷᴵˢˢ ᵞᴼᵁ, ᴮᵁᶜᴷ."

He hadn't meant for anyone to find it, not even Bucky for a while. The other boy meant so much to him and he didn't want to ruin their friendship with his silly confession. He slipped it to Bucky during one of their classes, but he hadn't been quick enough to conceal the motion from their hawk-like teacher. She had swooped in, swiping up the note before Bucky had had the chance to read it, her face contorting in disgust as she read the simple line.

She informed his mother, who cried until her eyes turned into rubies, the whites completely bloodshot.

"How could you do this to me, Steve?"

The words burned into his mind, scorched his soul. He had never meant to cause her any pain. He loved his mother. He didn't understand how this pained her, not yet. After all, he was the one unable to kiss his best friend.

An Irish Catholic family, Steve's mother took him to church every Sunday. The Sunday following the discovery of the note, things had changed. His mother dressed him in his best clothes, which still weren't much to look at considering their small income that barely kept a roof over their heads, but despite that her head still hung in shame as they entered the church. No longer did they sit at the back of the pews; the place of honor seemed reserved for them. Steve sat in the front, his hands fidgeting in his lap as he stared out over the crowd milling in.

Once the service had started, the priest came to the front, beginning his sermon. Steve hadn't been listening, not really, but he could feel the old man's eyes move to him, burning holes in the back of his skull during many of the pauses within the sermon. At some point, after the droning voice of the priest had become mere buzzing in the back of his brain as shameful thoughts of Bucky stole his attention, the priest came over to him. Steve stared the man in the eyes, unsure of what would come.

Father Allen placed his hand on Steve's head. The tall man's hand swallowed Steve's forehead. He'd always been a small boy, sickly. The Father turned to the crowd, hand still firmly on Steve, shouting, "This is the face of sin! God, release this poor boy from the Devil's hold!"

Steve's face turned bright red, unsure of which sin the Father referred.

"This is the face of homosexuality."

It hit Steve then, sending his head swimming. He had never seen it as a sin, as homosexuality. It hadn't occurred to him wanting to kiss Bucky was a homosexual act. He saw it only as an act of love. He had been taught to think of homosexuality as a dirty, ugly thing, but his love for Bucky felt pure and beautiful.

"Do you denounce the Devil, boy? Do you cast out all these impure thoughts?"

Tears slid down Steve's cheeks. He wanted to be a good Catholic. He didn't want to embarrass his mother. But he could not lie and he could not abandon the thought of Bucky's lips pressed against his. He shook his head, his resolution strong.

"No."

A murmur escaped the church-goers, hushed whispers raising among them. His mother began to cry again.

Every Sunday became more bleak, a repetition of the new ritual, but a fresh poison each week for his soul. Steve's resolution never faltered. He would not forget about Bucky, about the fantasy of kissing him.

Rumors eventually made their way to Bucky's ears. They didn't talk about it at first, enjoying their friendship without any outside influences. After a few weeks, however, Steve felt the need to confront his demons. He didn't want Bucky to think anything strange about him. He spilled out his heart, starting with the note and ending his new Sunday ritual.

"We were born sick. I heard them say it." His church offered no absolution, no way to free him from the thoughts they found so wrong.

A smirk just came across Bucky's face, that smirk he always used right before getting into some kind of trouble. He tells him, "There's one obvious solution, Stevie. Worship in the bedroom." And he pulled Steve into a kiss, right there behind the bleachers in the gym where they always avoided the two mile run together because it aggravated Steve's asthma. In that moment, Steve realized the only heaven he'd be sent to was when he's alone with Bucky.

He was born sick.

But he loved it.

The Sunday mass continued, commanding him to be well each. Steve loved the rush of electricity that ran down his spine any time Bucky's lips connected with his own; if this was sickness, he would gladly decent into the disease. He couldn't understand the damnation of this love. As an Irish Catholic, his family had already been persecuted and discriminated simply for their heritage, a thing they could not help. Steve couldn't help who he loved, so why take up arms against someone different? His love was of no consequence to others; what he did with Bucky behind closed doors did not concern the world. Why did people care enough to keep love from blooming?

But still, he went to church if only to appease his mother and keep her from crying herself to sleep.

Bucky set him up with a gal, Jane, a thoughtful gesture to help dispel the rumors that had turned vicious. He didn't like the words he heard sometimes, either in hushed whispers or yelled at him across the street. He didn't question the arrangement, and Bucky had a gal of his own so they could go on double dates and sit next to each other and hold hands in the darkness of the picture show without anyone questioning them. He felt guilty about using the girls this way, but they didn't seem to mind. He often wondered what Bucky had said to them to make them so compliant, or what he gave them, but he never brought up the subject.

A pagan of the good times, Steve and Bucky still shared kisses in private, whenever they could manage to be away from curious, prying eyes. But one day when Steve went to their usual meeting place in order to steal more of the rays of sunlight that was Bucky, he found the other boy there, already kissing Jane. Bile rose in Steve's throat and he turned to run, shouldering a pole in his haste making a loud bang. Bucky turned from his kiss, abandoning Jane and running after Steve.

"Leave me alone, Buck." He could barely keep the bile from coming up, let alone choke out those words.

Bucky placed a gentle hand on Steve's shoulder, but Steve shrugged it off. The last thing he wanted was Bucky touching him. The hurt in Bucky's eyes immediately caused Steve to regret his actions, but he didn't say anything.

"I did it for us, Stevie." Bucky began to explain the situation, telling Steve of his true bargaining chip to keep the girls on their side; they demanded a sacrifice. He had exchanged himself, kisses, closeness, intimacy, for their cover. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky, pulling the other boy in close. How could he have been so blinded, unable to see that Bucky would never hurt him? He drained away the whole sea of his jealousy, getting something shiny and pure within himself: hope that their relationship could someday be made public.

Bucky finally took him to bed that night. Steve had managed to get the apartment to himself as his mother worked a late shift and they fell into a tangle of arms and legs not long after crossing the threshold and shutting the door behind them.

He had been nervous. It was his first time and the threat of disappointing Bucky hung high over his head. He knew the strong, handsome boy had a great deal of experience under his belt, but Steve hoped his vague understanding of sex could guide him enough to produce a satisfactory performance. They rolled around, fingers dancing on whatever bare skin they could find. Bucky expertly removed Steve's pants while Steve fumbled with Bucky's button and zippers. Bucky trailed kisses down Steve's body, coming to his exposed erection and taking the member into his mouth.

Steve's head exploded with the euphoria of the pleasure as Bucky's warm mouth enclosed him. He didn't last long; how could he when Bucky had been so good? No shame washed over him as Bucky smiled up at him, wiping the last of Steve from the corner of his mouth with the hem of his sleeve.

Bucky came to his knees and dropped his pants. "Something meaty for the main course," he grinned as he bared himself before Steve, who looked only slightly ashamed that he hadn't been able to get Bucky's pants off.

Steve couldn't help but roll his eyes, a grin crossing his own face as he teases, "That's a fine-looking high horse." But Steve couldn't help but marvel at what Bucky had in the stable. It looked tasty. It looked plenty. He licked his lips subconsciously, kneeling before Bucky. Without hesitation, he took the other boy in his mouth. He tried his best to replicate whatever Bucky had done to him. He wasn't able to produce the same quick orgasm, or any orgasm at all for that matter, for his lover, but he had expected that.

Bucky pulled Steve from him, giving him another long kiss, his fingers tracing over every nook of Steve's body before he pulled away again. "This is hungry work," Bucky said, sitting on the couch and pulling Steve up with him. He smiled, pushing Steve onto his back. "Are you ready, Stevie?" He loved when Bucky called him that. He nodded.

No masters or kings when the ritual begins. Here, now, in the sweet moment before the most intimate act of their lives, everyone is equal. Bucky was a surprisingly gentle lover. He had expected the other boy's impatience to shine through, but he took it slow with Steve, giving him time to adjust as he entered the smaller boy. His thrusts were slow, small. The smile never left his lips and his eyes always stayed on Steve, watching for the slightest sign of discomfort. Steve moves his hips along with Bucky's movements. No sweeter innocence exists than this gentle sin. Pants and groans escape the pair as they become more confident in their union, their motions becoming quicker, hungrier, more frantic until Bucky pounds into Steve with reckless abandonment.

The act of love is over all too quickly and Bucky collapses besides him on the small couch, both of them panting and out of breath. Steve loses himself in Bucky's arms as the pair closes their eyes. They have consummated their union, made it all the more real. He thinks of asking Bucky to reveal their relationship to the world with him. In the madness of that scene, only then is he human, madly in love. Only then is he clean, free from all secrets.

His mother still took him to church, blissfully unaware of the events that had transpired on her couch. Steve worshiped like a dog at the shrine of their lies, the appearance of obedience, but behind closed doors sins transpired. He attended confessions, revealing all his sins to the Father, who sharpened the knife of his words with each new secret Steve revealed. Steve enjoyed it; he had no one else to talk to on the subject and the Father became his closest confidant. He could not be shaken, not anymore, for even when he had nothing, he had Bucky.

\---

That part of his life flashes before his eyes as the thinks of sinking the plane. He's not quite certain why when he wants his mind filled only with positive memories of Bucky. Any memory of the man was positive, he reasoned. He couldn't remember a time when Bucky hadn't been a part of his life.

He murmurs a prayer to himself, "Offer me that deathless death. Good God, let me give you my life."

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this little ficlet. It was a lot of fun to write and try to "hide" all the lyrics of the song in there!


End file.
